First of all, I am not a “bar”-person, especially if they are organic, protein, “special”, farm-fed, hippie, up-the-butt-, full meal-, trying to be-, mouth-breather made- … I really can not stomach Luna or Odwalla or Co-op type quinoia kale infused- whatever shit, paper wrapped BARZ. Just give me a Snickers. Time out for Twix babies! Those fucking European Lion’s Bars? Whatchamacallits? Hell to the Yeah! If I want to go um, “healthy”, let’s get some good old generic brand s’mores granola bars covered in peanut butter or whatever is on sale. Geez, I am classy.
I don’t judge the people who like these fancy pants bars. Pretty much my whole family (mom, dad and brother) eats these things. My dad doesn’t eat real meals. My mom follows all health trends and actually believes commercials. My brother is a pump the gun, gym rat. Sometimes, I have access to these protein things which is an ok thing for weak little me. So I tried it…
And gross. The bar even smelled like fake cardboard chocolate. I knew it was going to be a tough taste. Appearance wise it looked pretty, but the inside was gritty. The exterior chocolate was decently smooth. I could tell that there was not a whole of cream-ness that you would find in real chocolate. Basically the texture of the inside was paste-like, a little bit tougher than a brownie. If you know what protein powder tastes like, the bar was a coacoa infused glued together box covered in a chocolatey cream. I don’t know. Just gimme a steak, man.
The Round up:
Did I finish it? No
Would I buy it? No
Would I recommend it? No, there are probably better products out there for protein bars.
Thanks for reading!
DeMayda’d (My first one-woman show)
July 10th & 11th, 2015 @ the Guthrie Theater!
Tickets online ——> http://www.guthrietheater.org